A week or so ago, I was out taking a walk with Benjamin. We were happening past a local elementary school which had just let out for the day, so kids were scurrying about on their way home. One girl who was probably no more than 9 years old, was walking at a quick pace ahead of me when suddenly a boy about her same age on a bike came screeching to a halt next to her and started yelling at her. I discreetly pulled one of my iPod ear buds out to listen to the exchange, but left my sunglasses on to hide from them the fact that I was watching.
"Don't you EVER (explicit) walk away from me! Why did you (explicit) leave?" the boy screamed at her.
She was clearly upset and mumbled something to him, while trying to inch away from him and keep walking down the sidewalk.
"I'm (explicit) talking to you! Don't walk away from me!" he again yelled.
By now, I was coming upon them and the girl walked quickly past me. The boy, in an effort to catch up with her while also appearing nonchalant to me, was stumbling awkwardly to get onto his bike as I passed him. He was paying special attention to keeping his eyes from meeting mine. "Wait up," the boy was saying to the girl, in a quieter voice as he passed me. "Wait up. I love you! Don't leave!"
I had a brief and strong urge to stop him and say, "Young man, don't you ever talk to girls that way again, EVER. You are to be nice and treat girls with respect, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? Now go apologize."
I didn't say it, and I went on. I kept thinking about what had happened and I became pretty upset with myself that I hadn't stopped him and corrected his behavior. I was a stranger, yes, but I was also an adult who could have set this kid straight. If he is verbally abusing his girlfriends at age 9, what will he be doing at age 20? The thing that bothered me most, however, was that the little girl saw me, an adult, watch this encounter, watch the boy scream at her, and had done nothing. I had shown her that no one would stand up for her. I felt sick.
5 comments:
Don't feel bad. She was probably more embarrassed than anything. However, I know how you feel. I hate when I hold back against my gut feeling.
You will get there. Being a parent changes the way you react to other people. Especially children.
I hate those encounters where, for weeks afterward, you wish with all your heart that you had done something different, or said something different than you did. I have lots of those. One such moment was when a lady was waiting for me outside the post office, where I had briefly run in to drop off a letter, and had got held up for about 10 minutes. I had left the car (and the A/C) running with the kids in the car, and she had called the police. She was standing there waiting to fling her accusations. When I came out she assaulted me with, "Is this YOUR car?!?!". . . (then, eyes narrowed and voice dripping with bitterness) "What kind of a mother are you??? I've called the police, they're on their way." . . . I still shudder to think of my reaction, which was to burst into tears and tell her, "You know, you're right, I must be such a terrible person." and then drove away. I wish I would have defended myself better.
David Sedaris is like $55 bones... I am not sure I can fork out the cash. But I REALLY want to! Hey, I have a birthday present for you. Give me a call so we can schedule a day.
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