And it comes down to this...

My baby boy is due in a month and 2 days. To be honest, I am totally terrified. I don't really have a "pregnancy plan" as most women do. I tend to notice that those who do have them end up having unexpected things happen, or things not going according to the "plan" and then disappointment ensues.  So I don't have any expectations, and I'm just going to experience it as it comes. A few small things I do know for sure:  1) I want to avoid a C-section, unless the health of my baby or myself is at risk. But again, if one is necessary, then I won't be disappointed.  2) I want the epidural as soon as is humanly possible.  I admit I am not a strong, all-natural woman and I never will be. I'm ok with that. I've come to terms with it, and I absolutely admire all the women who do it naturally.  I do want to experience the contractions and pain, but not for long.  

And that's all.  

Some babies are born weeks early, so in all reality, he could be here in a week or two.  However, I don't get that feeling about him.  I think he will be late, or at least a few days later than his due date (the 11th of February).  

Also, I love lists.  So here are a few lists I've thought up recently. 

Thing About Pregnancy I Will NOT Miss:

1. The inability to shave my legs, trim or paint my own toenails, or even be able to see my legs or toes properly without bending to a 90 degree angle (which is uncomfortable with a basketball sized belly in the way). 
2. The 12-step, 5-minute process it takes to move from a sitting down to a standing up position.
3. The exhaustion that comes from standing or walking for longer than 5 minutes.
4. The gawking.  Really.  Is a pregnant lady really THAT interesting to look at?
   
5. The inability to even fit in my "fat pants" anymore. And this is not caused by the belly. This is caused by the butt. As my cousin Makayla put it, "I didn't have a baby, I had a butt."
6. Fingers and toes that swell so much, they look like fat little sausages and feel as if they will burst open in fountains of blood.
7. Morning sickness, hot/cold flashes, numbness in my hands, backaches, the inability to sleep at night (note, I am writing this at 3:36 in the a.m.), the frequent and persistent urge to pee, and the heartburn.
   
8. The personal questions from people I hardly know. And I'm talking horribly personal questions that make me blush, and are things I would even have a hard time talking about with close members of my family. If you want to know some of the awful things I've been asked, go ahead and ask me, but I won't post them here.  E gads, I get embarrassed just thinking about them! Funny how pregnancy makes some people feel just fine about overstepping boundaries. "Don't you know the meaning of propriety?!?"  (50 points if you can name that movie)
   
9. Same thing with belly touching. I'm fine with it most of the time, and in fact I often invite people to feel if they want to. But if I don't know you and you just reach up and rub my belly out of the blue, I kind of feel like I want to reach over and rub YOUR belly, even though you aren't pregnant, just to make you feel how awkward such a move is to someone you don't know that well. 
   
10. The wait, and the wait, and the wait.
    
11. The hallucinations. I know, not a typical pregnancy symptom, but sometimes I see things that aren't there. Like bugs scurrying across the floor.  And when I snap my head around to look, there is nothing there. I know that quality of eyesight can be decreased in pregnancy, but hallucinations are a little but different, and more worrisome in my mind. Hopefully they go away once baby is born. Has anyone else experienced this?
    
12. The doctors appointments and in particular, peeing in a cup. But that's a story for another time. 

Things About Pregnancy I WILL Miss:

1. The discussion it invoked, with people I didn't think it would.  I've had the opportunity to talk to people I wouldn't normally talk to and this has been a pleasant surprise.
2. Feeling all the different ways the baby "kicks."  There are actually like 12 different ways, and I can tell the difference between them, but I can't tell what each one actually is or what part of the baby is doing the moving. For example, there is the flutter, the punch, the pop, the tickle, the brush across, the rub across, the two-at-once, the hiccoughs, the bubble, the somersault, the breathing. I could name more if I sat down to think about it.  
3. The breathing, as I mentioned in #2.  A few days ago, I put my hand on my belly and could actually feel my baby breathing, just as clear as if I was putting my hand on the chest of a breathing newborn baby. It is one of the most incredible things I've experienced. I'm still absolutely in awe of the process of conception and childbirth and the fact that there is a growing, living, breathing human in there.  
4. The junk food cravings. Just pigging out and watching my weight steadily increase, without any regard at all... good times.  :)
5. The healthy cravings. More than unhealthy cravings, I've had some consistently healthy cravings, including drinking TONS of water, eating corn, green beans, salad, cucumbers, apples, clementines, and fish. The incredible thing is, these are all things I really do crave, and find them delicious when I get to eat them. I went to a Christmas party with my family and ate 4 servings of salad, and felt like it was the best thing I've ever eaten. He's a smart boy he is; knows what's good for a growing body.  If only the desire for these things remains intact after the baby is born.  Then the goal of getting rid of the baby weight may be attainable after all. 
6. The time I have had to do some serious reflection on my life.  I've had more than enough time to take a good, hard look at myself and my priorities and make a step toward changing anything that needs to be changed, anything that is not conducive to being a good person and a good mother. The way it has made me re-evaluate my faith and beliefs. The time I have had to read good literature and write my own thoughts on things (P.S. Thanks Pickle for the book.  Am putting it to good use).
7. The hilariously entertaining and sometimes disappointing study on human nature this whole thing has been. I'm totally a people watcher, and my pregnancy has perhaps shown me more about other peoples' true natures than about my own. People really do show their true colors when a crisis happens. I expected judgments, gossip, dismissal, and estrangement from most people. And I did receive this (or at least hear about it) from a few. But the majority of people proved me wrong. More people than I ever imagined have been genuinely loving, supportive, and all around awesome. In some ways, it has kind of renewed my faith in humanity. There was a time when only my parents knew about my pregnancy, and my mom said to me, "You know, people you don't even realize are there will come out of the woodwork to support you and love you. People you don't expect to will be kind and accepting."  I didn't realize how right she would be.  
8. No period!  (sorry to my 1 or 2 male readers)
9. The way it seems to have brought some people closer together.
10. The idea of this perfect little boy.  It's still like a fairy tale in my head, and it will be until I first experience the poop, puke, screaming, crying, and worry on my part that I'm doing something wrong. I just know that there is a lot I don't know about children and it may be a rude awakening for me. He is perfect, but he is also human (as am I) and I will have to learn how to take care of another little human. 
11. How nice pregnant women get treated. And you can bet your bottom dollar, I've taken full advantage of this. I get more foot rubs, back rubs, trips to the store made on my behalf and that of My Cravings, and offers for riding shotgun than I ever had not being pregnant. 
12. How long and thick my nails and hair have grown in such a short amount of time.  This is perfect, as I am in that "I'm going to grow my hair as long as my feet!!!" stage. And if you know me, that stage will soon be cut short by an impulsive desire for short hair, but I'm trying to have some self control and grow it out this time. I suspect the thickness and length is due to the prenatal vitamins, so I'm going to keep taking them for several months after the baby is born.  Also, I hear that hair starts to thin and fall out after the baby is born and especially if baby is breast-feeding, so that is more incentive for me to keep taking them. 

And there you go.  My experience in a nutshell.