The Truth

Well the truth is I'm having a baby in February. I went private mainly to keep my missionary bro out of the loop for a little longer. I wanted him to get settled and stable on his mission before springing the news on him.

"Oh by the way, I'm preggo. So how is Mexico??!!! How is the companion?!!?? What are YOU up to?"

I'm really excited to become a mom, although I have to be honest...it had to grow on me. In the beginning, it was more of an idea or a concept, rather than a reality. I kept referring to the baby in an informal sense. "I wonder what gender baby will be," or "Do you think fetus can feel me pushing on my stomach?"

My sister finally yelled. "Take claim! Say 'my baby'! Say 'my fetus'! It is yours!"

Finally when I got the ultrasound, it became a reality. I saw the baby, floating around in my belly, totally unaware that people were peering in on it's little bubble of a world from the outside. The baby kicked randomly, stretched it's legs out, wiggled it's toes, tried out the new use of it's growing limbs.

"Wow," I thought. "This is real," and felt tears come to my eyes. "I'm going to be a mama."

"Do you want to know the gender?" the ultrasound tech asked.

"Yes," I said.

"It's a boy!" Then there was much screaming and rejoicing. The ultrasound tech laughed.

"I knew, ALL ALONG, that it was a boy!" I said excitedly, and then to cover my own butt added, "but it wouldn't have made a difference if it was a girl either. Either way is fine." The truth is, I knew it was a boy. I was absolutely, 100% sure, but I didn't tell anyone that I was that sure. Because if it had been a girl, I would have been wrong. And chances were, I very well could have been wrong. Both sides of my family are predominately girls (by about 3 or 4 to 1) so chances that it were a boy were slim. But I knew, and I was glad that I knew. And I'm more excited than ever.

"How sure are you that it is a boy?" I asked the tech.

"Oh, about 99.9% sure," she said. "That is a textbook unit," and pointed to the little pener on the screen.

I'm starting out my family a little non-traditionally, but that is O.K. I'm getting myself where I need to be to be a good mother and better person in general. I've broken bad habits and started good ones, and am associating with supportive, loving, good people. And mainly, I'm trying to become one myself. It's a hard and long path, but I've started it.